Saturday, August 23, 2008

What If Ya Try and Work It Out on a Block?

Here's the pile of "to do's" but

theres nothing like undertaking something else...

especially something like this, giving these babies up... there's never a good time, a right time, a strong time and honest to God, I'm hooked and very afraid. To put my cigarette addiction out on the internet is like walking naked onto a stage, but there it is.... I did it..... and I'm mourning them before I even quit!
It's also becoming clear to me that I'm mourning more than that... my family and friends miles away, my life in the city, the cultural socialization and urban stimulation left behind. The North is a harsh place and I'm not on vacation anymore. 17 miles to town is no joke, the "Family Dollar" is not Macys, there's no such thing as pizza delivery and a good library book is intraloan with a 2 week wait. No one wears a skirt, the closest fabric store is 40 miles away and when its dark, its scary dark... you can't see your hand in front of your face. I wake up sometimes and wonder just where I'm at. Honestly it's good, I wouldn't change it ( maybe the library) but I'm still dealing with the sad around the edges. There's other things too, but a another story, another time....

So what if I put it all in one basket... one block... one goal... one redemption... one cigarette... one sorrow... instead of trying to carry the world on my shoulders... just deal with my losses one stitch at a time? Especailly this cigarette thing, what if I work it out on this black block ?

16 comments:

Wendy said...

Jane,
What bravery. Here in blogger land it is hard to know if anyone out there is listening. I just want you to know that I hope and pray that God will give you the strength and courage as you work through this block and I am sure there are many others who believe in you and would agree with me.
Good luck,
Wendy

Cheryl said...

Oh Jane, believe me, I know what you are going through. I did it myself over 15 years ago, but my hubby has just recently been able to kick the habit after many tries.

If you need a support person, I'm here!

paulahewitt said...

Good luck Jane - ill be sending good thoughts your way. I gave up when I found out I was pregnant (but I guess that strategy may be a tad drastic for you?) but I came home from the doctors and smoked the last ciggie in the pack on the back verandah and I felt like crying. in fact i probably did (and not just becuase of the smokes). be strong. Youll feel much better eventually. promise

Guzzisue said...

Good luck with this one, took me a good while to give up totally but haven't smoked in 15 years or so- hang on in there :-)

Allison Ann Aller said...

Pour it all into that block, Jane. You'll be making fantastic art while your body adjusts to its new reality.

As for the other "losses"...you must have let go of all those things in order to take up what you wanted up north...the beauty, purity, solitude...

Many warm wishes traveling to you from out west...

Teresa said...

(((Jane))), life can seem so overwhelming at times. Just know we hear you and care.

CJ Stitching and Blooms said...

Hello My New Friend Jane, I think stitching is therapeutic in sooooooooooooo many ways and soooo is blogging. Know I am cheering for you and I am sure you will be able to kick this habit. Everyday you do you are ONE more day healthier. Big Hugs Judy

Charlene said...

Dear Jane,
Get your projects lined up, and keep those fingers BUSY. Don't be afraid to ask for help - patches help. Put the Family Dollar to good use and get packs of gum to supplement the nic gum - it helps, too. Best wishes to you! It is hard, but possible.

jude said...

hey, what a great undertaking, with style. my husband quit a few days ago. too bad he doesn't sew or i would tell him to try it your way.. good luck!

Willa said...

Hi Hi Hi! I have never been a smoker.. but a nurse who watched so many precious people suffer from diseases caused by years of smoking. My closest nursing buddy quit on 8/8/88 but it was too late after 25 years of smoking. On the bright side, I have about 20 friends (nurses are notorious smokers) who have successfully quit and are doing fabulously. Most notably, the president of the organization quit about a year ago and maintained even when her hubby didn't quit! How hard was that to do. A month later.. he quit too. Amazing. Now for me.. I gotta lose weight.. everything hurts.. overeating is just death waiting to happen... so good luck and blessings to you AND me! You will do it!

Paddy's Daughter said...

Good luck Jane, quitting is difficult but worth it - I'm an ex smoker too, but from many years ago, like Paula it was pregnancy that made my mind up and I didn't start again after the second. You will find food tastes differently, and are likely to be more fit when you are nicotine free. I bet you will do it with some determination. I can also relate to missing parts of city living, I have no theatre or movies within easy reach, and a long way from decent shops. I'm 25 kms/ 14 miles from the nearest supermarket although there is a small store in our village, but little selection and too costly for anything other than milk. The same distance to a library, and 45kms/27 miles to a fabric store, while I still go to Melbourne for most medical appointments, and that is 110kms/68miles away. There are so many benefits from being here, for me they outweigh the occasional loneliness and distances - one makes new friends and eventually gets used to travelling, while the shopping list is a more organised one. Your one black block is a good way of marking the changes and leaving some of the sadness behind as you journey into a different life. I'll be thinking of you. All the best, Sue McB

sparkle jars said...

What a beautiful post. It literally brought tears to my eyes. Something about this post really touched me and I'm glad you shared it.

Toni said...

Jane,

Being in the Northwoods can be hard at times..it is not for faint at heart...and quiting smoking is the toughest thing in the world I know. I quit and never ever wished I still smoked. I know you will feel this way too in time...Keep your hands busy and eat as much as needed..I cant wait to see this block when it is done...I wish you the best...Toni

Liz said...

I've never been a smoker, but as a Yooper I so get life in the north. My friends tease me becasue when I visit them, pizza delivery is my idea of fun!

Gilli said...

Sure can relate to the "out in the middle of nowhere" aspect of your post. We recently moved from Golden CO, with a mall, several good restaurants,movie theaters and bookstores quite literally in our backyard. To Grand Marsh WI. 21.5 miles from my job and that far from a decent grocery store. We're about an hour and a half from everything else. But the quiet beauty of the woods makes up for it, mostly.

Clevelandgirlie said...

Just think of how much more "stitching" time you'll have! I lost my mom to emphysema two years ago and I'm still suffering deeply - every day. Think of those you love -- and you'll find the strength. I just know you will.